Section #7 - The Writing Process: Revising

Did you get it?

Test yourself on the concepts discussed in the video above by using the self-grading quiz questions below.

Analyze Some Examples

We want to give you examples of students’ writing processes, so you can see what they look like. Read the situation; then, read each example, and answer the questions that follow it.

The Situation

Dr. Downey asked his class to write about the following topic: McDonald's has been an Olympic sponsor for many years, including for the 2010 Winter Games in Canada. The theme of that year’s campaign was “Eat like an Olympian.” This theme was criticized for sending the wrong message to children about the nutritional value of McDonald's’ food, especially since Olympic athletes typically follow strict diets (no hamburgers and fries) when they are training. A nation-wide student group is considering a letter-writing campaign asking McDonald's to step down as an Olympic sponsor. Do you think McDonald's should step down?   

Petra's Response to the Writing Situation from Dr. Downey

The Golden Arches have become a symbol of American cuisine—everyone throughout the world loves McDonald's food. There are limits, however, to how far McDonald's should go in its advertising. McDonald's should not be allowed to sponsor any more Olympic games after its 2010 advertising campaign because it falsely connected its food to athletes’ diets and because it sends the wrong message to children about the obesity epidemic.

When McDonald's uses the slogan “Eat like an Olympian” in its advertisements, it is misleading to the public; therefore, the company should not be an Olympic sponsor. McDonald's is known for fast food hamburgers, chicken nuggets and French fries. These are not the kinds of healthy food training athletes eat. While athletes may indulge sometimes, the phrase “Eat like an Olympian” also makes it seem like McDonald’s food is something they eat regularly.  Nobody can maintain their health with a diet of hamburgers and French fries.  Finally, Olympians are regarded as heroes—children and adults idolize them. To associate them with fast food crates a phony connection that can confuse people into thinking fast food is great, and it is what great people eat.

A big part of the confusion of McDonald's with athleticism will be from children, which is especially alarming given the current obesity epidemic. It is clear that obesity has become a major problem with children in part because of their unhealthy diets. Fast food contributes to unhealthy diets. When McDonald's says it has the food of Olympians, it makes McDonald's food sound less unhealthy than it actually is, particularly with children, who have little or no knowledge of the nutritional value of their meals. Children make nutritional choices based on the kind of emotional factures the Olympic sponsorship creates instead of making them based on nutritional value.  McDonald's should be especially aware of this and should not sponsor the Olympics if there is a possibility that it will use slogans like it did in 2010.

Is simply does not make any sense for a restaurant known for its fast food to not only sponsor the Olympics, but to claim that athletes eat its food, as though it’s a staple of their diet.  McDonald's has misled the public, especially children who are vulnerable and subject to high rates of obesity long enough.

Questions about Perta's Response to the Writing Situation from Dr. Downey

Pierre's Response to the Writing Situation from Dr. Downey

McDonald’s is a corporation almost anyone can recognize whether it’s for its food or its charitable work. This multi-national corporation has been an Olympic sponsor for decades and is responsible for the development of the Olympic Village, where athletes from all over the world live and work comfortably during the games. McDonald's should continue to the an olympic sponsor because there is nothing wrong with the “Eat like an Olympian” campaign; it’s not McDonald’s job to police what people eat, and there are perfectly healthy options at the restaurant.

McDonald's can and should use its billions of dollars to sponsor the Olympics and can use the slogans like “Eat like an Olympian” because it is not responsible for peoples choices. Olympians  can and do eat food like one offered at McDonald's; they probably do it in moderation, and they exercise. It is ok even for even a world-class athlete to have a hamburger French fries or even ice cream once in a while. Fast foods are dangerous only to people who eat too much of it or eat it too regularly, and these people need to change their habits. McDonald's cannot be responsible for what they choose to eat.

Even if folks do choose McDonald’s for their meal, there are healthy options on their menu, so McDonald’s should be an Olympic sponsor. Because of federal laws, McDonald’s puts nutritional information on its menus and packaging so people know the nutritional value of what they are eating. If they are concerned about calories, they can choose a salad, wraps, or diet sodas instead of other more fattening menu items. McDonald’s even points out lower-calorie items and smaller-portioned items on its menu. This could be said to actually encourage customers to pick healthier options. McDonald’s has also recently redone its kids’ meals, making them healthier. It now offers a vegetable or apple alternative to French fries and a skim milk alternative to soda. Again, it seems like McDonald’s is actually encouraging healthier eating, so it actually should be an Olympic sponsor.

Its ok for McDonald's to sponsor the Olympics.

Questions about Ralph’s Response to the Writing Situation from Dr. Downey